Oh, Life! I have taken you for my Lover.: 2008

I haven't had the heart to write for what feels like the longest time. its the process of thinking, absorbing and accepting that we humans go through. I find that i am quick in discovering and learning truths, but so very slow in absorbing and accepting them. a part of me has died with acceptance that can only be true because of its finality. i know the half heart that once stirred recklessly has beat itself to death. for awhile i was mourning, some times i still indulge in that heavy hearted feeling. but yesterday, as i stayed up meandering through my books, i saw the sun rise. i had never seen the sky with so much clarity - the perspective was so intense i felt must had been noon white light, only the cool breath of dawn reminded me that it was only 7 in the morning. it was moment where my past, present and future intertwined to a point of purity, distilled to a mere drop of happiness. I'm done with the past, and i've found peace at least. some quiet contentment, aligned with a strange source of strength. all fear melted then. it wasn't just the sun's tendrils that were caressing me, it was peace and silence. i never felt true-ness like this before, where everything was dissolved into a moment of stillness. that was truth. the light of it, in one moment the darkness had left me behind, abandoning the home it loved for years leaving me hollow and blank like a child in the withered bark of a tree again.

I've stepped into a whirlwind - and been enjoying it. In less than 3 months I have travelled to 5 countries, started 2 work projects, made 2 new friends, caught up with 4 old ones and lost 2.

December. A christmas party with my 2 new friends, Amandae and Sin Yee aka my All Woman Empowering Solidarity Group and it was amazing! Somehow about 50-60 turned up during the course of the night with over 20 bottles of alcohol not including beer into a mid sized apartment on Kiliney rd. The police were invited to join us, lots of laughter, wine spilling, good music, hook ups and one friend's shirt caught on fire. I

The rest of December was history - i spent christmas having a nice quiet dinner with the girls and spent the 28th dancing wildly in 4 inch stilettos to David Guetta and shouting along with the French crowd. The next day i almost missed my flight to Hong Kong. I didn't like the place at all but it was nice catching up with old friends. Too many people, buildings and it didn't help that the apartment i was staying in was filthy. Completely uninspiring. I welcomed the new year, barricaded away from the main street (thank god) at Lan Kwai Fong and toasted to vanilla ice cream while my friends had beer.

January was getting back into serious mode and alot of my time was spent working on my dad's project. I made a trip to Ho Chi Minh city for some business and the weekend after I went to Phi Phi island. I really liked the scenary - limestone cliffs, turqoise blue waters, black tipped sharks... not the sound of long tail motrs though.I had a room with a hammock at the balcony and it was well decorated. Couldn't help but feel a little creeped out thinking about the tsunami, but the feeling certainly isn't as strong as the time i was in Prey Veng province in Cambodia.

February is here. I'm about to turn 23. Just before the family holiday to Burma i went to Bangkok and it was great being "home". I did the usual circuit and I was happy to see that prices did not increase. The number of annoying ang mohs have. I was particularly peeved at this one guy staying on my floor at My Mom's Guesthouse who kept wearing shoes into the bathroom when the rule was to leave them downstairs. By midnight Khao San is a jungle full of chimpanzees and chickens, to the great relief of the women selling tribal hats and bells as they cajole one drunkard to another into buying their goods. The hair weavers by the sidewalk too, realize that after midnight there is a sudden increase in people who suddenly want corn rolls and braided hair. Bangkok does most of it's selling at night, and I always look forward to the morning after when they start playing Jack Johnson over and over again.

It is so different from Yangon. Everyone smiled quietly, ran their little stalls selling roasted corn or junk and occasionally looked at you as they grinned widely with red stained teeth. I met a monk at Shwedegon Pagoda, who spoke french to me and told me to look at the 76 carat diamond at the top of the pagoda. then he told me i was born in the year of the lion according to the burmese calender and then left.

I've lost some weight recently - physically and mentally. Perhaps thats why I've been writing less, and doing more. Somedays I automatically slip into sentimentality and nostalgia as if pulling my mind and body back, afraid to lose all that I used to hold on to.