Wednesday, March 14, 2007
writer's block
help. i'm suffering from writer's block AGAIN. that is the second time this year. and it doesnt help that my laptop with all my old scripts got stolen last year and i have to write them from scratch again!! urgh. let me know if you've got ideas.
more pics from cuba
a little distracted......
more local architecture
the cars are so tiny!!
local architecture
at the city square
streets of cuba
Saturday, March 10, 2007
sober, silent, sorry.
somedays i wake up with this terrible dream. the same damn dream that happens over and over again with the same damn effect to make me wake up in a sweat, sobbing silently. and for the one terrible second, you can't tell which world you're in or perhaps if you're just a phantom living or dead. These are the kind of experiences i get waking up from the unreal, and for that one moment it's as if everything is coming at you in one instant from all directions and you stand the the junction, target to these charging bulls. in one flash, they hit you and you feel the crux of immense pain. and then you wake up again.
and for the rest of the day you're numb with nothing to say and you can't go back to sleep again but you don't know if you're awake.
that's when you want to jump. or take a hike on the Trans-Siberian railway alone into the wilderness.
and for the rest of the day you're numb with nothing to say and you can't go back to sleep again but you don't know if you're awake.
that's when you want to jump. or take a hike on the Trans-Siberian railway alone into the wilderness.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
a picture says a thousand words
sunset over nuevitas bay
my mojito and me!
typical cuban graffitti
what else more do we need in life?
22 years old!
perhaps all it takes is just a little leap into the sea
abandoned sugarcane factory near santa lucia
old man passing time with his statue
camaguey square
Saturday, February 24, 2007
cuba marimba!
ok. so perhaps i am a year older and about 5 shades darker as i'm writing this. but damn, i'm so farking happy! i just spent a week by the beach, letting my shrivelled pasty white body absorb as much sun, breathing as much carribean air and enjoying life in peaceful bliss in Cuba.
Contrary to what people think, Cuba is hardly the decrepit and dangerous place that the word "Communism" connotes. Yes, yes, you do get the abandoned factory buildings and remnants of "Revolucion!" painted in red in outdated style on walls, but the country has managed to sustain itself pretty well. I would know, because i myself stayed in one of those resorts by the beach run by the government for tourists, mostly catering to americans and canadians looking to escape the cold winter. Needless to say, i was a little disappointed to find that i had cable TV with CNN and Coca Cola and that it was not going to be the gungho holiday i had hoped for, filled with last minute revolutions and the Red Guards in my face.
Cuba was surprisingly idyllic. i was living on Santa Lucia beach next to Nuevitas Bay, 22km of beautiul white sands and turqoise blue crystal waters. it was the home of the 2nd largest coral reef after the Australian Great Barrier Reef and also home to the largest colony of pink Flamingos in Latin America. The closest thing i got to revolution was the mass of people gathered next to my resort for their daily fiesta. Booming reggaeton, reggaeton mixes of David Guetta's "Love dont let me go" and Cuban salsa was heard day and night, peaking at it's loudest at 4am. Apparently there had been a week long Carnaval there, and i attempted to go down a few times but found myself unable to keep up to the Cuban stamina.
Mojitos, Cuba Libres and many days later, i somehow found the motivation to move my ass away from the beach to explore the vicinty. I took a boat ride out on to Nuevitas Bay, and snokeled seeing some of the most beautiful corals and fishes ever. The reef was well and alive, looking very healthy indeed. i had wanted to go diving but unfortunately, due to some screw ups in the recent global weather system, it was too cloudy (and even cold at one point) to do that (the truth was hat last time i went diving i remembered taking half an hour to get into the damn wet suit which kept sticking to my skin) I also managed to catch sight of some of those pink flamingos, they were really cute walking in single file all the time.
One of the days, i went down to the city of Camaguey, supposedly well known for being a labyrinth town because it was built to defile pirates who rampaged the city in the 18th century. Now before you get any ideas about this being some Pirates of the Caribbean getaway, it's really not. The whole place was rather decrepit and oozes the general charm of a 1940s-50s village town. while i was there i got to see the typical cuban postcard scenarios of old men wearing fedora hats, chatting on the side walks and smoking their pipes, beautiful tan cuban women selling fruit by her door step and children running around everywhere. it's like people never go to work here (heck, they dont have to) and perhaps that is what makes them some of the smiliest people in the world.
late in the afternoon, i stopped for coffee at a place called Music square and had some fried bananas while listening to musicians jam to "quizas, quizas, quizas". at some point this old guy stood up and went there and started singing along and he had an awesome voice (he was funny too)!! damn it must be in their blood to be able to sing. i was soooo happy. i live for cuban music.
i wanted to go down to Havana, but unfortunately the east-west (i was in the west) route was not safe for a girl and the only way was to fly there for US 600. that was way out of my budget, so looks like i'm set to return!
Contrary to what people think, Cuba is hardly the decrepit and dangerous place that the word "Communism" connotes. Yes, yes, you do get the abandoned factory buildings and remnants of "Revolucion!" painted in red in outdated style on walls, but the country has managed to sustain itself pretty well. I would know, because i myself stayed in one of those resorts by the beach run by the government for tourists, mostly catering to americans and canadians looking to escape the cold winter. Needless to say, i was a little disappointed to find that i had cable TV with CNN and Coca Cola and that it was not going to be the gungho holiday i had hoped for, filled with last minute revolutions and the Red Guards in my face.
Cuba was surprisingly idyllic. i was living on Santa Lucia beach next to Nuevitas Bay, 22km of beautiul white sands and turqoise blue crystal waters. it was the home of the 2nd largest coral reef after the Australian Great Barrier Reef and also home to the largest colony of pink Flamingos in Latin America. The closest thing i got to revolution was the mass of people gathered next to my resort for their daily fiesta. Booming reggaeton, reggaeton mixes of David Guetta's "Love dont let me go" and Cuban salsa was heard day and night, peaking at it's loudest at 4am. Apparently there had been a week long Carnaval there, and i attempted to go down a few times but found myself unable to keep up to the Cuban stamina.
Mojitos, Cuba Libres and many days later, i somehow found the motivation to move my ass away from the beach to explore the vicinty. I took a boat ride out on to Nuevitas Bay, and snokeled seeing some of the most beautiful corals and fishes ever. The reef was well and alive, looking very healthy indeed. i had wanted to go diving but unfortunately, due to some screw ups in the recent global weather system, it was too cloudy (and even cold at one point) to do that (the truth was hat last time i went diving i remembered taking half an hour to get into the damn wet suit which kept sticking to my skin) I also managed to catch sight of some of those pink flamingos, they were really cute walking in single file all the time.
One of the days, i went down to the city of Camaguey, supposedly well known for being a labyrinth town because it was built to defile pirates who rampaged the city in the 18th century. Now before you get any ideas about this being some Pirates of the Caribbean getaway, it's really not. The whole place was rather decrepit and oozes the general charm of a 1940s-50s village town. while i was there i got to see the typical cuban postcard scenarios of old men wearing fedora hats, chatting on the side walks and smoking their pipes, beautiful tan cuban women selling fruit by her door step and children running around everywhere. it's like people never go to work here (heck, they dont have to) and perhaps that is what makes them some of the smiliest people in the world.
late in the afternoon, i stopped for coffee at a place called Music square and had some fried bananas while listening to musicians jam to "quizas, quizas, quizas". at some point this old guy stood up and went there and started singing along and he had an awesome voice (he was funny too)!! damn it must be in their blood to be able to sing. i was soooo happy. i live for cuban music.
i wanted to go down to Havana, but unfortunately the east-west (i was in the west) route was not safe for a girl and the only way was to fly there for US 600. that was way out of my budget, so looks like i'm set to return!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
a clarification
I feel a need to clarify my last post, which upon review looks crude and harsh. It lacks the refinement of an enlightened truth. let me reiterate. there is no such thing as "love". in the last post, i labelled it a "vague feeling people get before they bed each other". So how do i explain platonic love, romantic love etc? firstly, i think it is neccessary to clarify that love between friends is out of the question here, since i am pondering this in relation to marriage. the second instance holds the crux of this argument - romantic love is sexual.
Some people say sex is the expression of love, but i think "love" is an expression of sex. It's another displacment in a civilized, repressed order. oops. there i go with the old man Freud again. I dont think he literally meant that humans are driven by sex, i think what he actually meant to say was that humans are driven by the politics of it. the invisible ties of power, intimacy and emotion that drive the act of it. Not the carnal intercourse alone. the act alone is a displacement of some sort of hidden aggression that has to emerge because of it's repression. I dont think humans have a natural instinct to "love" but instead to "possess, gain authority over, dominate". Parental love is another matter although if you think about it a large part of a parent's duty is precisely the latter. You love your friend because you have them, and they are yours to keep.
There is the other school that believes that to love is to submit, and be possessed. I used to belong to that school. But the stark realization fell upon me that you cannot submit unless someone wants to dominate, since "love" involves 2 parties. So you find that someone, and you play a delicate game of balancing the power struggle. But it doesnt matter who submits to who, because objectively speaking the nature of the relationship is the same. the politics played out in sexual terms does not change.
So back to the idea that romantic love is always sexual. let me clarify for those in denial. there is no such thing as non-sexual romantic love. The concept only came about when Christianity took over the world and non-sexual love was used to explain God's benevolent love to mankind. Anything with sexual connotations came to be "impure, bad, evil" only after the coming of Christianity and subsequently polarized is the notion of love. That one should "strive" for the opposite of impure love is yet another Christian conception. Nobody said that was truly the case or the nature of man. So this notion of "love" as we know it, is merely another artificial construct and really masks what is a sexual bond of politics between two people.
Anyway, if you take my words literally, you're really a dimwit. i'm expressing the phenomenon we call "love" as that mysterious bond between two people, the undercurrent of all undercurrents driving their actions. I'm not saying we shouldn't love. What i AM saying though, is that we should not expect "love" to happen or be there, which in that sense, makes us humans much less disillusioned when we don't encounter the disappointment.
Some people say sex is the expression of love, but i think "love" is an expression of sex. It's another displacment in a civilized, repressed order. oops. there i go with the old man Freud again. I dont think he literally meant that humans are driven by sex, i think what he actually meant to say was that humans are driven by the politics of it. the invisible ties of power, intimacy and emotion that drive the act of it. Not the carnal intercourse alone. the act alone is a displacement of some sort of hidden aggression that has to emerge because of it's repression. I dont think humans have a natural instinct to "love" but instead to "possess, gain authority over, dominate". Parental love is another matter although if you think about it a large part of a parent's duty is precisely the latter. You love your friend because you have them, and they are yours to keep.
There is the other school that believes that to love is to submit, and be possessed. I used to belong to that school. But the stark realization fell upon me that you cannot submit unless someone wants to dominate, since "love" involves 2 parties. So you find that someone, and you play a delicate game of balancing the power struggle. But it doesnt matter who submits to who, because objectively speaking the nature of the relationship is the same. the politics played out in sexual terms does not change.
So back to the idea that romantic love is always sexual. let me clarify for those in denial. there is no such thing as non-sexual romantic love. The concept only came about when Christianity took over the world and non-sexual love was used to explain God's benevolent love to mankind. Anything with sexual connotations came to be "impure, bad, evil" only after the coming of Christianity and subsequently polarized is the notion of love. That one should "strive" for the opposite of impure love is yet another Christian conception. Nobody said that was truly the case or the nature of man. So this notion of "love" as we know it, is merely another artificial construct and really masks what is a sexual bond of politics between two people.
Anyway, if you take my words literally, you're really a dimwit. i'm expressing the phenomenon we call "love" as that mysterious bond between two people, the undercurrent of all undercurrents driving their actions. I'm not saying we shouldn't love. What i AM saying though, is that we should not expect "love" to happen or be there, which in that sense, makes us humans much less disillusioned when we don't encounter the disappointment.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
a proclamation (warning: violence ahead)
I don't believe in love anymore!!! It's crazy but when i was writing in my journal trying to figure out my views on marriage i realised something quite serious. I realised that 'love' is just a pathetic word that we use in the English language to describe the vague feeling humans get before they get into bed with each other. And then, why do they get married, we ask. It's after the slow, agonizaing realisation that they had wasted so many years of their life on this word "love", which doesn't exist except the repetitive proclamations of it, that they need to affirm the presence of it by signing a paper, wearing a ring and performing a ceremony. It all fits into Foucault's theory of power, where 'power' only exists through signs of it's representations. Taking that same theory, we apply it to love and we realise, that actually 'love' which is supposed to be another form of power, really doesn't exist at all on it's own but is yet another artificial construct.
my friend Joanne says that i'm obessed with this thing called love. it's only because i wanted to understand how it's held us for centuries, and because i felt that too few people have questioned it objectively. if you thought about it alot, you'd be labbelled a Romantic, but that also comes with emotional attachment. That was what i used to be until i managed to get rid of the emotional part and think about it objectively. and strangely, i feel librated more than depressed about the prospect of it all.
I'm not saying one should not still have companions and for lack of better term, lovers. I'm just saying that we should not expect that there is this thing called 'love'. If you have been with your partner for many years, it's probably something else like circumstances, or self motivated determination in the name of 'love' to justify it all.
Hope this isn't too much a blow.
my friend Joanne says that i'm obessed with this thing called love. it's only because i wanted to understand how it's held us for centuries, and because i felt that too few people have questioned it objectively. if you thought about it alot, you'd be labbelled a Romantic, but that also comes with emotional attachment. That was what i used to be until i managed to get rid of the emotional part and think about it objectively. and strangely, i feel librated more than depressed about the prospect of it all.
I'm not saying one should not still have companions and for lack of better term, lovers. I'm just saying that we should not expect that there is this thing called 'love'. If you have been with your partner for many years, it's probably something else like circumstances, or self motivated determination in the name of 'love' to justify it all.
Hope this isn't too much a blow.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
counting down the days...
I am well aware how long it has been since i've written here. To tell the truth, i have been evading the thought of thinking about my life especially since writing about it would require some form of understanding. The new year kicked off in blazing cold, and i also find myself a little frozen. All the passion, all the heat...where did it go? it's almost as if i have nothing to complain even. Just mere muted resignation.
In any case i've accepted my situation and if anything this year i'm learning to let go. it's the feeling Sylvia Plath mentioned in that bloody A level text i studied about letting it all "fall away from me". That young posessive 18-year old i once was could barely understand how that was possible and dismissed the poet as a traitor immediately. I kept asking myself, if you love life so much, why let it go? How could you betray your lover?
But the years of seasoning have taught me but one thing, and it is that if you love something, the ultimate act of sacrifice IS letting it go. It's not a question of being noble. It's a question of preservation, of knowing enough, appreciating and preserving the memory at it's most beautiful. At a distance, the thing itself seems so much more beautiful. I have had a few personal relinquishes so far this year, and parted ways with many a thing I had considered to be precious to me. The fear and reluctance turned into utmost liberation, as I shed the baggage that was unknowingly heavy.
In short, I leave with a quote from Virginia Woolf who loved life more than anyone - enough to die for it:
In any case i've accepted my situation and if anything this year i'm learning to let go. it's the feeling Sylvia Plath mentioned in that bloody A level text i studied about letting it all "fall away from me". That young posessive 18-year old i once was could barely understand how that was possible and dismissed the poet as a traitor immediately. I kept asking myself, if you love life so much, why let it go? How could you betray your lover?
But the years of seasoning have taught me but one thing, and it is that if you love something, the ultimate act of sacrifice IS letting it go. It's not a question of being noble. It's a question of preservation, of knowing enough, appreciating and preserving the memory at it's most beautiful. At a distance, the thing itself seems so much more beautiful. I have had a few personal relinquishes so far this year, and parted ways with many a thing I had considered to be precious to me. The fear and reluctance turned into utmost liberation, as I shed the baggage that was unknowingly heavy.
In short, I leave with a quote from Virginia Woolf who loved life more than anyone - enough to die for it:
"To live life for what it is, to know it for what it is, to love it for what it is, and then to put it away."
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Monday, January 01, 2007
new year, new york!
well, ok. So i've spent my time and money trying to live it up for just a mere 2 weeks as a New Yorker and my god, it's so tiring. Things are fast in New York, but that's not the tiring part. The tiring part is trying to decide what to see and what to do with what little amount of time you have in the Big Apple. I got down to it and tried to extract the essence of the city and realised, at the core of it, it's just another city. What makes it rock however, is the people and the inexhaustible amount of energy that goes on here. It's top notch when it comes to dining, every resto i stepped into was of high quality food but cheap because of the increasing competition. I had lunch for 2 days in a row at Sapore on Greenwich Ave opposite my apartment were they serve excellent pastas and sandwiches. Asian food is great too, and it seems to be the 'in' thing here. I had dinner at a yuppy Thai restaurant called SEA in Brooklyn, in an up and coming hip area outside of Manhatten and also managed to have excellent Chinese cuisine in a restaurant called JEBON along Astor Place in East Village complete with 2046 decor.
Clubbing is usually a hit and miss and i'd recommend bars or live music lounges over clubs. I spent NEw Year's Eve at Crobar, an NYC Megaclub where i enjoyed a full open bar to the max and was greeted with Trapeze artist and Pole dancers for the countdown. I had the best time at the Fat Black Pussycat near Washington where the band was fucking awesome and where i had a free performance by John Mayer(he was right in front of me!) because he was a friend of the band. Bar 55 had great jazz as i lounged around with martinis. For a hip to be seen place, one should head on down to Buddha Bar NYC in the swanky Meatpacking district where you literally stand outside to get picked to go in.
(to be continued)
Clubbing is usually a hit and miss and i'd recommend bars or live music lounges over clubs. I spent NEw Year's Eve at Crobar, an NYC Megaclub where i enjoyed a full open bar to the max and was greeted with Trapeze artist and Pole dancers for the countdown. I had the best time at the Fat Black Pussycat near Washington where the band was fucking awesome and where i had a free performance by John Mayer(he was right in front of me!) because he was a friend of the band. Bar 55 had great jazz as i lounged around with martinis. For a hip to be seen place, one should head on down to Buddha Bar NYC in the swanky Meatpacking district where you literally stand outside to get picked to go in.
(to be continued)
Monday, December 25, 2006
with love from NYC!
Merry Christmas! Miss you guys!
Strand Bookstore...18 miles of books!
4 floors of H&M....paradise.
my part tme job at the Museum of Sex
Times Square!
Inside Grand Central after shopping!
Grand Central Station, Art deco style with the Chrysler Builing behind.
new york, new york!
What better way than to spend your christmas and new year in THE city that never sleeps, the original city of lights, the capital of consumerism and style.
New York is everything i expected it to be - noisy, crowded, busy. It's a city that yells out at you, and it's a good place to holiday because it distracts you so well. It's just not posssible to think about work or anything when you are on holiday in NYC because everything screams to get your attention, and like a little child you are taken in by the lights and action.
I'm currently staying in a studio in the very hip West Village, a neighbourhood full of swanky, hip, young execs who think they are worth alot. More interesting than the neighbourhood demographic is probably that i'm minutes away from the Meatpacking district, (so called because it used to do that) that is now transformed into a stylish mecca for urbanites where all the clubs and bars are. Perhaps tomorrow night when i head out to Apt or Cielo's or Tao i might get to rub shoulders with Natalie Portman or Lindsay Lohan. Of course, velvet security is very tight and i'm going to have to depend on trusty friends for favours.
Yesterday i started my trip on Fifth Ave, went by the New York Public Library and then to Strand BookStore - a paradise of totally cheap and awesome books which kept me there for 2 hours. After, I did some shopping at SoHo until i came to Little Italy where i had an expresso. Chinatown was not far, but had to pass it for a walk down Times Square at night. The billboards and huge screens are truly a fourth dimension. After making a pilgrimage to Broadway, where i will be watching Phantom of The Opera on the 28th, i spent the rest of the evening planning my itinerary. Hopefully, the Met Opera still has tickets left for Tan Dun's new opera, The FIrst Emperor, directed by Zhang Yi Mou. And of course, the Museum Mile is on the agenda, along with a production of Tom Stappards On the Coast of Utopia starring Ethan Hawke and Cilly Crudup back on Broadway (tickets cost me a bomb)
Seems like i caught New York Fever pretty fast, my head's not stopping.
New York is everything i expected it to be - noisy, crowded, busy. It's a city that yells out at you, and it's a good place to holiday because it distracts you so well. It's just not posssible to think about work or anything when you are on holiday in NYC because everything screams to get your attention, and like a little child you are taken in by the lights and action.
I'm currently staying in a studio in the very hip West Village, a neighbourhood full of swanky, hip, young execs who think they are worth alot. More interesting than the neighbourhood demographic is probably that i'm minutes away from the Meatpacking district, (so called because it used to do that) that is now transformed into a stylish mecca for urbanites where all the clubs and bars are. Perhaps tomorrow night when i head out to Apt or Cielo's or Tao i might get to rub shoulders with Natalie Portman or Lindsay Lohan. Of course, velvet security is very tight and i'm going to have to depend on trusty friends for favours.
Yesterday i started my trip on Fifth Ave, went by the New York Public Library and then to Strand BookStore - a paradise of totally cheap and awesome books which kept me there for 2 hours. After, I did some shopping at SoHo until i came to Little Italy where i had an expresso. Chinatown was not far, but had to pass it for a walk down Times Square at night. The billboards and huge screens are truly a fourth dimension. After making a pilgrimage to Broadway, where i will be watching Phantom of The Opera on the 28th, i spent the rest of the evening planning my itinerary. Hopefully, the Met Opera still has tickets left for Tan Dun's new opera, The FIrst Emperor, directed by Zhang Yi Mou. And of course, the Museum Mile is on the agenda, along with a production of Tom Stappards On the Coast of Utopia starring Ethan Hawke and Cilly Crudup back on Broadway (tickets cost me a bomb)
Seems like i caught New York Fever pretty fast, my head's not stopping.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Commentary on Post Modern Love
in the midst of exam procrastination i found the closest to an idealized version of post modern love in a film by Hou Hsiao Hsien. It's a moody, seductive take on love in our time, fragments of feelings so well captured by the camera's lens. I'm currently obssessed with this film. The Chinese have mastered the art of telling a love story so close to our time that it had the power to make me patriotic.
Or watch the trailer. It's beautiful.
Every detail, every nuance is captured as if in a bottle of time (taiwanese version of trailer)
Or watch the trailer. It's beautiful.
Every detail, every nuance is captured as if in a bottle of time (taiwanese version of trailer)
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
the solidity of friendship and love
Melissa just sent this to me..
LOOK how the pale queen of the silent night
Doth cause the ocean to attend upon her,
And he, as long as she is in his sight,
With her full tide is ready her to honor.
But when the silver waggon of the moon
Is mounted up so high he cannot follow,
The sea calls home his crystal waves to moan,
And with low ebb doth manifest his sorrow.
So you that are the sovereign of my heart
Have all my joys attending on your will;
My joys low-ebbing when you do depart,
When you return their tide my heart doth fill.
So as you come and as you do depart,
Joys ebb and flow within my tender heart.
LOOK how the pale queen of the silent night
Doth cause the ocean to attend upon her,
And he, as long as she is in his sight,
With her full tide is ready her to honor.
But when the silver waggon of the moon
Is mounted up so high he cannot follow,
The sea calls home his crystal waves to moan,
And with low ebb doth manifest his sorrow.
So you that are the sovereign of my heart
Have all my joys attending on your will;
My joys low-ebbing when you do depart,
When you return their tide my heart doth fill.
So as you come and as you do depart,
Joys ebb and flow within my tender heart.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
the Absolute loss of the Absolute
We live in a world where there has been a complete and utter loss in the Absolute.
In my few years of intellectual study at the university, scores of research in the humanities have only taught me to unlearn everything i knew in my younger days, where the textbook affirmed a sense of truth and certainty. In every study and academic article, I am told that there is no resolution or agreement on any matter. That there are too many possibilities in the construction of a Truth that is constantly on trial as prosecuters question it's identity and it's existence. This crisis in meaning is regretful indeed, for as a lowly undergraduate student, i am faced with a speechless argument. All the evidence i have been taught to use to substantiate my argument are but hollow as their own substantial evidence fails. The grand pyramid of meaning has come to an absolute loss, and only those who are brave enough to confront it are rendered silent by the abyss of meaning.
I've always been very good at memorizing facts and fictions. Whatever it was that i was taught at school, it was certainly not for it's content, but the way to remember this or that. So now as i am confronted with this problem where i have to create meaning, i find myself baffled and irrefutably stupid. The inability to articulate something that is a mere haze, that i am completely blameless for, makes me feel even less able to deal with fact that i am in this situation. The majority of the student population would inevitably say that I am "thinking too much", a curse of those who seek to discover. But what of those people who like me, seek for that ultimate purpose, delving ourselves into the depths of the years of wise words only to emerge and realise that the real truth was that there was none at all?
the study of the humanities came from the Greeks, refined in the Renaissance, and it's focus was to draw man (or woman, in this postmodern age) into their inner beings and contemplate their powers of production and agency. it's aim was to uplift and enlighten the individual, making himself both a subject and object of his own understanding. yet in our contemporary world, to the very same purpose we have discovered far too much, and that has destablized our world. Progress in the arts and sciences have corrupted us, and i find it tremendously funny that progress, that old fashioned, 'bourgeois' term is still the bloody credo for my home goverment. Perhaps we desperately cling on to the old to keep some structure in our lives, to prevent upheaval and chaos. this denial has inevitably had an impact on me, growing up in that glass box atmosphere, and as I unfold and unlearn the years of fake, plastic packaging, I realised that there would be no turning back once the raw heart is exposed to that dark and endless universe.
This then, leads me to conclude again to an all familiar position. The failure of logic and rationality. The only objective truth for you and me isn't the proof of what is and what is not, since there isn't ever an infallible one. It is the subjective experience of senses and feelings that creates our reality, and they dont need to be justified or argued for since there isn't ever an unquetionable truth of the matter. I feel sorry for the rationalists who are still attempting to cling on to that meagre ounce of meaning through their "justifications", forgetting that their assumptions are flawed to begin with. We are living the century of absurdity, under the pathetic mask of civilized rhetoric leftover from the past. so instead of denying yourselves the pleasure, please, embrace the true anarchy and disorder of this life.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"A sweet disorder in the dress
Kindles in clothes a wantonness:
A lawn about the shoulders thrownInto a fine distraction --
An erring lace, which here and there
Enthrals the crimson stomacher --
A cuff neglectful, and thereby
Ribbands to flow confusedly --
A winning wave, deserving note,
In the tempestuous petticoat --
A careless shoe-string, in whose tie
I see a wild civility --
Do more bewitch me than when art
Is too precise in every part."
In my few years of intellectual study at the university, scores of research in the humanities have only taught me to unlearn everything i knew in my younger days, where the textbook affirmed a sense of truth and certainty. In every study and academic article, I am told that there is no resolution or agreement on any matter. That there are too many possibilities in the construction of a Truth that is constantly on trial as prosecuters question it's identity and it's existence. This crisis in meaning is regretful indeed, for as a lowly undergraduate student, i am faced with a speechless argument. All the evidence i have been taught to use to substantiate my argument are but hollow as their own substantial evidence fails. The grand pyramid of meaning has come to an absolute loss, and only those who are brave enough to confront it are rendered silent by the abyss of meaning.
I've always been very good at memorizing facts and fictions. Whatever it was that i was taught at school, it was certainly not for it's content, but the way to remember this or that. So now as i am confronted with this problem where i have to create meaning, i find myself baffled and irrefutably stupid. The inability to articulate something that is a mere haze, that i am completely blameless for, makes me feel even less able to deal with fact that i am in this situation. The majority of the student population would inevitably say that I am "thinking too much", a curse of those who seek to discover. But what of those people who like me, seek for that ultimate purpose, delving ourselves into the depths of the years of wise words only to emerge and realise that the real truth was that there was none at all?
the study of the humanities came from the Greeks, refined in the Renaissance, and it's focus was to draw man (or woman, in this postmodern age) into their inner beings and contemplate their powers of production and agency. it's aim was to uplift and enlighten the individual, making himself both a subject and object of his own understanding. yet in our contemporary world, to the very same purpose we have discovered far too much, and that has destablized our world. Progress in the arts and sciences have corrupted us, and i find it tremendously funny that progress, that old fashioned, 'bourgeois' term is still the bloody credo for my home goverment. Perhaps we desperately cling on to the old to keep some structure in our lives, to prevent upheaval and chaos. this denial has inevitably had an impact on me, growing up in that glass box atmosphere, and as I unfold and unlearn the years of fake, plastic packaging, I realised that there would be no turning back once the raw heart is exposed to that dark and endless universe.
This then, leads me to conclude again to an all familiar position. The failure of logic and rationality. The only objective truth for you and me isn't the proof of what is and what is not, since there isn't ever an infallible one. It is the subjective experience of senses and feelings that creates our reality, and they dont need to be justified or argued for since there isn't ever an unquetionable truth of the matter. I feel sorry for the rationalists who are still attempting to cling on to that meagre ounce of meaning through their "justifications", forgetting that their assumptions are flawed to begin with. We are living the century of absurdity, under the pathetic mask of civilized rhetoric leftover from the past. so instead of denying yourselves the pleasure, please, embrace the true anarchy and disorder of this life.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"A sweet disorder in the dress
Kindles in clothes a wantonness:
A lawn about the shoulders thrownInto a fine distraction --
An erring lace, which here and there
Enthrals the crimson stomacher --
A cuff neglectful, and thereby
Ribbands to flow confusedly --
A winning wave, deserving note,
In the tempestuous petticoat --
A careless shoe-string, in whose tie
I see a wild civility --
Do more bewitch me than when art
Is too precise in every part."
Monday, November 27, 2006
White
"And what i do is what i feel
And what i feel is where i have to go
And where i go is where you are.
My love, my fear, my beating heart...
And what my senses say is this
That where i'm scared to go is bliss..."
--- White, Naomi (from the album Everyone Loves You)
Love this song right now. It's one of those songs that you blast down the deserted highway, at 7 in the morning just before the sun rises along the Amalfi Coast while recollecting those moments with that person, where both of you are laughing. Where both of you are crying. Where the both of you are yelling, running, shouting, fighting. And now alone, you look outside the window, lighting up your cigarette, seeing the sun's yellow tinge tipping over the ground.
And what i feel is where i have to go
And where i go is where you are.
My love, my fear, my beating heart...
And what my senses say is this
That where i'm scared to go is bliss..."
--- White, Naomi (from the album Everyone Loves You)
Love this song right now. It's one of those songs that you blast down the deserted highway, at 7 in the morning just before the sun rises along the Amalfi Coast while recollecting those moments with that person, where both of you are laughing. Where both of you are crying. Where the both of you are yelling, running, shouting, fighting. And now alone, you look outside the window, lighting up your cigarette, seeing the sun's yellow tinge tipping over the ground.
Florence's Birthday, Saturday
OK so it got a little crazy..
Sonia and me! (she's egyptian-vietnamese. How exotic!)
Sonia and me! (she's egyptian-vietnamese. How exotic!)
Our best oo7 poster impersonation.
The birthday girl!
It's just a funny shot.
Caught in Action!
The birthday girl!
It's just a funny shot.
Caught in Action!
Friday, November 24, 2006
wanderlust
Please let me indulge in some wanderlust,
Travelling the world until I am dust.
Things to do before i die (not in any particular order):
1. Driving down the Amalfi Coast, Italy.
2. Checking in at the Hotel Fox, Copenhagen http://www.hotelfox.dk/large.html
3. Tango on the streets in Buenos Aires.
4. Dancing in a Cuban Bar, Havana.
5. Boating down in high fashion in Venice
6. Drinking Absinthe in Barcelona, Spain.
7. Taking artistic photos in Prague.
8. Watching an Opera in Paris.
9. Staying in a villa in Morroco.
10. Tanning in Corfu, Greece.
11. Sipping fruit punch in the Maldives.
12. Visiting temples in Kyoto.
13. taking the Transiberian Railway from Beijing to Russia.
14. Living it up in a 1920s Jazz bar, Shanghai.
Travelling the world until I am dust.
Things to do before i die (not in any particular order):
1. Driving down the Amalfi Coast, Italy.
2. Checking in at the Hotel Fox, Copenhagen http://www.hotelfox.dk/large.html
3. Tango on the streets in Buenos Aires.
4. Dancing in a Cuban Bar, Havana.
5. Boating down in high fashion in Venice
6. Drinking Absinthe in Barcelona, Spain.
7. Taking artistic photos in Prague.
8. Watching an Opera in Paris.
9. Staying in a villa in Morroco.
10. Tanning in Corfu, Greece.
11. Sipping fruit punch in the Maldives.
12. Visiting temples in Kyoto.
13. taking the Transiberian Railway from Beijing to Russia.
14. Living it up in a 1920s Jazz bar, Shanghai.
Electrochoco Party
Free flow chocolates and alcohol in a down out warehouse. So underground!
Predrinking before with Berenger and Florence!
the happy bunch high on chocolates
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
you know who you are.
When I first held you I was cold
A melting snowman I was told
But there was no-one there to hold before
I swore that I would be alone for ever more
Wow look at you now
Flowers in the window
It's such a lovely day
And I'm glad you feel the same
Cause to stand up, out in the crowd
You are one in a million
And I love you so
Lets watch the flowers grow
There is no reason to feel bad
But there are many seasons to feel glad, sad, mad
It's just a bunch of feelings that we have to hold
But I am here to help you with the load
So now we're here and now is fine
So far away from there and there is time, time, time
To plant new seeds and watch them grow
So there'll be flowers in the window when we go
Wow look at us now
Flowers in the window
It's such a lovely day
And I'm glad you feel the same
Cause to stand up, out in the crowd
You are one in a million,
And I love you so
Lets watch the flowers grow
A melting snowman I was told
But there was no-one there to hold before
I swore that I would be alone for ever more
Wow look at you now
Flowers in the window
It's such a lovely day
And I'm glad you feel the same
Cause to stand up, out in the crowd
You are one in a million
And I love you so
Lets watch the flowers grow
There is no reason to feel bad
But there are many seasons to feel glad, sad, mad
It's just a bunch of feelings that we have to hold
But I am here to help you with the load
So now we're here and now is fine
So far away from there and there is time, time, time
To plant new seeds and watch them grow
So there'll be flowers in the window when we go
Wow look at us now
Flowers in the window
It's such a lovely day
And I'm glad you feel the same
Cause to stand up, out in the crowd
You are one in a million,
And I love you so
Lets watch the flowers grow
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