counting down the days...

I am well aware how long it has been since i've written here. To tell the truth, i have been evading the thought of thinking about my life especially since writing about it would require some form of understanding. The new year kicked off in blazing cold, and i also find myself a little frozen. All the passion, all the heat...where did it go? it's almost as if i have nothing to complain even. Just mere muted resignation.

In any case i've accepted my situation and if anything this year i'm learning to let go. it's the feeling Sylvia Plath mentioned in that bloody A level text i studied about letting it all "fall away from me". That young posessive 18-year old i once was could barely understand how that was possible and dismissed the poet as a traitor immediately. I kept asking myself, if you love life so much, why let it go? How could you betray your lover?

But the years of seasoning have taught me but one thing, and it is that if you love something, the ultimate act of sacrifice IS letting it go. It's not a question of being noble. It's a question of preservation, of knowing enough, appreciating and preserving the memory at it's most beautiful. At a distance, the thing itself seems so much more beautiful. I have had a few personal relinquishes so far this year, and parted ways with many a thing I had considered to be precious to me. The fear and reluctance turned into utmost liberation, as I shed the baggage that was unknowingly heavy.

In short, I leave with a quote from Virginia Woolf who loved life more than anyone - enough to die for it:

"To live life for what it is, to know it for what it is, to love it for what it is, and then to put it away."